25 Ways To Be A Servant-Leader

This last summer, my wife and I led a small group based on Mark Driscoll's "Song of Solomon" teachings. We found it to be very insightful and helpful in getting discussions going between us as husband and wife, and most of the people in our group did as well. One of the key terms that Driscoll uses for how a husband and wife are to relate to one another is "servant-lover." In a nutshell, that means that each spouse is seeks to put the interests of the other before their own, being caring, generous, appreciative, and humble towards each other. When a relationship has two people who approach it from this angle, it becomes something beautiful, healthy and holy.

Last week I was talking to Jim Lamson, our men's ministry pastor, about the "Quest For Authentic Manhood" series he's taking the men through. One of the things the material stresses is for men to take the lead in being a servant-lover. The term that is used by the curriculum is a "servant-leader." Granted, it takes two to make a thing go right (did that just happen?), but I believe that the Bible gives a definite leadership role to the man when it comes to the institution of marriage. The "Quest" program seeks to instill in men the desire and the drive to lovingly, compassionately, and humbly lead their wives through servant leadership. When Jim Lamson showed me the following list, I found it to be extremely helpful, and I wanted to share it with you. The following 25 points are but a few practical guidelines to help men gain and refine their vision for what Godly leadership looks like in a marriage.

*special note: if you are a wife, the following should NOT be used as a checklist to hold over your husband's head! :) Instead, use this list as a way to pray for your husband to continue to grow into the man he is called to be in Christ.

1. A servant-leader includes his wife in envisioning the future.

2. A servant-leader accepts spiritual responsibility for his family

3. A servant-leader is willing to say "I'm sorry" and "forgive me" to his family.

4. A servant-leader discusses household responsibilities with his wife and makes sure they are fairly distributed.

5. A servant-leader seeks the consultation of his wife on all major financial decisions.

6. A servant-leader follows through with commitments he has made to his wife.

7. A servant-leader anticipates the different seasons his marriage will pass through.

8. A servant-leader anticipates the different seasons his children will pass through.

9. A servant-leader frequently tells his wife what he likes about her.

10. A servant-leader provides financially for his family's basic living expenses.

11. A servant-leader deals with distractions so he can talk with his wife and family.

12. A servant-leader prays with his wife on a regular basis.

13. A servant-leader initiates meaningful family traditions.

14. A servant-leader plans fun outings for the family on a regular basis.

15. A servant-leader takes the time to give his children practical instruction about life, which in turn gives them confidence with their peers.

16. A servant-leader manages the schedule of the home and anticipates any pressure points.

17. A servant-leader keeps his family financially sound and out of harmful debt.

18. A servant-leader makes sure he and his wife have drawn up a will and arranged a well-conceived plan for their children in case of death.

19. A servant-leader lets his wife and children into the interior of his life.

20. A servant-leader honors his wife in public.

21. A servant-leader explains sex to each child in a way that gives them a wholesome perspective.

22. A servant-leader encourages his wife to grow as an individual.

23. A servant-leader takes the lead in establishing with his wife sound, biblically-supportable family values.

24. A servant-leader joins a small group of men who are dedicated to improving their skills as a man, husband and father.

25. A servant-leader provides time for his wife to pursue her own personal interests.

Again, I found this list challenging and insightful. My suggestion for the men is to take time to chew these over, and ask God which ones you're doing well, and which ones you need to grow in.